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| If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they’ll stop making it tomorrow; if it’s all three, they stopped making it yesterday. ~ Mignon McLaughlin, |
| Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. ~ Murphy’s Law |
| If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. ~ Mignon McLaughlin, |
| How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? ~ François Duc de La Rochefoucauld |
| The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~ Erma Bombeck |
I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot.
~ Mignon McLaughlin, |
| As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. ~ Author Unknown |
| A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist. ~ Franklin P. Jones |
| It’s always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. ~ Author Unknown |
| An unwatched pot boils immediately. ~ H.F. Ellis |
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| If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~ Leopold Fechtner |
| Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. ~ Mignon McLaughlin, |
| Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~ Will Rogers |
| When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~ Author Unknown |
| How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? ~ Christy Whitehead |
| Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics. ~ Author Unknown |
| Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~ Author Unknown |
| Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it’s usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs? ~ Christopher Morley, |
| It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. ~ Grace Hopper |
| The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. ~ Author Unknown |
| It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. ~ Author Unknown |
| If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. ~ Author Unknown |
| If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered. ~ Edgar Allan Poe |
| People who snore always fall asleep first. ~ Author Unknown |
| The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. ~ Author Unknown |
| The trouble with, "A place for everything and everything in its place" is that there’s always more everything than places. ~ Robert Brault |
| Amount of time it takes for a dog to "do its business" is directly proportional to outside temperature + suitability of owner’s outerwear. ~ Betsy Cañ |
| There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed for example that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter. ~ Bat Masterson |
| No one is listening until you fart. ~ Author Unknown |
| Keep a thing seven years and it’s bound to come in handy. ~ Russian Proverb |