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| >Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it. ~ Heywood Hale Brown |
| Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: [from academe] A modern school where football is taught. ~ Ambrose Bierce, |
| Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental. ~ Doug Plank |
| Let’s face it, you have to have a slightly recessive gene that has a little something to do with the brain to go out on the football field and beat your head against other human beings on a daily basis. ~ Tim Green |
| You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four. ~ Dan Birdwell |
| Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. ~ George F. Will |
| Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors. ~ Frank Gifford |
| Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~ Erma Bombeck |
| If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. ~ Erma Bombeck |
| If you’re mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It’s about the same. ~ Bob Golic |
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| At the base of it was the urge, if you wanted to play football, to knock someone down, that was what the sport was all about, the will to win closely linked with contact. ~ George Plimpton |
| Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? ~ Jim Bouton |
| One of the great disappointments of a football game is that the cheerleaders never seem to get injured. ~ Author Unknown |
| American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party. ~ Sue Lawley |
| Football is not a contact sport. It’s a collision sport. Dancing is a good example of a contact sport. ~ Duffy Daugherty |
| When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team. ~ George Raveling |
| The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. ~ Phyllis Diller |
| Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become. ~ Mary McGrory |
| Is there a point at which every Sunday during the NFL season ceases to make a man feel like a kid on Christmas morning? ~ Mike Alexander |
| Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphysical island of fundamental truth in a highly verbalized, disguised society, a throwback of 30,000 generations of anthropological time. ~ Arnold Mandell |
| I do not like football, which I think of as a game in which two tractors approach each other from opposite directions and collide. Besides, I have contempt for a game in which players have to wear so much equipment. Men play basketball in their underwear, which seems just right to me. ~ Anna Quindlen, |
| College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture. ~ Elbert Hubbard |
| Watching football is like watching pornography. There’s plenty of action, and I can’t take my eyes off it, but when it’s over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it. ~ Luke Salisbury |
| There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they’re both a pain in the ass. ~ Dan Devine |
| The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I’ve ever seen that I didn’t have to clean. ~ Erma Bombeck |
| Beer and Rugby are more or less synonymous. ~ Chris Laidlaw |
| I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and – this always amazes me – not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player’s body. ~ Dave Barry |
| I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault. ~ Jack Tatum |
| He was the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference. ~ Steve Owen |
| Trying to maintain order during a legalized gang brawl involving 80 toughs with a little whistle, a hanky and a ton of prayer. ~ Anonymous referee |